I don’t know if you are aware of the section on craigslist called Missed Connections. If you aren’t, go there immediately. It’s awesome. Basically, it’s a place for people to post messages to people they may have noticed around town but didn’t get a chance to talk to or ask out or strike up a conversation or whatever. Or they are just big wusses (that would be my category). My favorites are the ones where people are like, “You: in a red sweater on the 61C. Me: Bearded hipster type wearing a brown corduroy jacket [note: like that narrows it down…f’ing hipsters]. We exchanged glances when the crazy man on the bus started yelling about Jesus and bees attacking his brain. Let’s have coffee.”
Though I’ve been known to totally make fun of Missed Connections, I’ve actually posted twice. The first time was several years ago and I was reaching out to a really cute rockabilly boy who lit my cigarette at a Lee Rocker show. I got no response. The second time was this past Saturday.
If you’ve ever been out and about on the South Side in Pittsburgh on a Friday or Saturday night, you know that there are uniformed police officers stationed here and there keeping an eye on things because the area is basically 20 blocks full of bars and drunk a-holes. Well the one that was outside of the bar I was at Friday night caught my eye. There are a couple of reasons I didn’t talk to him: 1. I couldn’t find my car key and was in a panic and had to run back inside to find it and 2. I’m a wuss.
Come Saturday, I was still thinking about him, so I decided to post a missed connection. I basically said that I noticed him but didn’t get a chance to talk to him because I lost my car key and was flipping out, but if he wasn’t married and noticed me, to send me a message. Imagine my surprise when I got an email from him today! Well, I noticed right away that his email was [boyname]and[girlname][lastname]@[emailofyourchoice].com so I opened it knowing that it was likely that he was married.
His message started out normal enough (this is me paraphrasing): Hi thanks for noticing me, to answer your question I am married, my wife saw the Missed Connection and thought I should respond just to let you know that I was flattered… [and this is where it starts to get weird] …but my wife also wanted me to add that we have an open-minded alternative adult lifestyle and we thought since you were at that particular bar, you might be kinda alternative and maybe the three of us could hang out and see what happens. I bet you didn’t think you’d get this kind of response! Well next time you see me strike up a conversation – hopefully we didn’t offend you. I’m really flattered that you noticed me.
Um. Seriously. This is the sort of thing that, I swear to God, only happens to me! How the fuck am I supposed to process that? What kind of wife is like, “Hey – look at this Missed Connection for you on FB and HEY! Why don’t we see if this girl wants to have a threesome??” People are strange.